Focus ≠ Wisdom & Feelings ≠ Reality

by | Challenges, Emotional Pain, Marriage, Mentoring

I’ve seen this photo several times, and it always gives me a chuckle – along with a reminder too.  

I think it’s a great picture to represent some seasons of my life. Specifically, the ones in my life that felt right accomplished most of what I set out to do, and even looked to myself and others as well-organized.

This picture reminds me of my old, painful life

I first reached out to a men’s coach when I lived in stories that, to my eyes, all seemed like they lined up.

knew they did.

knew I had a wife problem!

knew I was being wronged!

knew I was being disrespected, overlooked, misjudged, unvalued, and unloved.

I had my wall of well-ordered thoughts, labeled and ready to go! I was ready to make my case that I simply needed a new partner who could appreciate my organized life.  

How a single call kicked off an epic transformation from pain to purpose

Then my coach told me, “none of that mattered!”

What?! Of course it does!” I replied.

No… it doesn’t,” he kindly countered.

It just feels like it does. Let me show you a new way to look at it.”

 “You’re just not seeing what you need to see and instead, zeroed in on things that are ineffective for giving you the life you want – things your brain thinks are true. You think hire experiencing reality, but you’re just experiencing your thinking.”

Like this photo, I had some truth in my experience. They measured some things in my life with precision. Yet they weren’t the whole story.

I wasn’t experiencing reality, but my feelings.

It had all looked legit, but in focusing on the “what,” I had missed the why” behind the experience I was feeling.

I was so laser-focused on one detail of my reality  – my pain, that I didn’t see that the stories and thoughts I have that led to my pain might not be as bullet-proof as I had.

That day, a new thing began…

I began getting out of my head and back into my heart. 

What began to change

That day, in that call, thanks to my coach, I discovered some much-needed empathy and compassion for my wife, and that small shift in my thoughts became the first snowflake in an avalanche of transformation that would follow.

That one powerful coaching session (a free session, by the way!) produced one small but endlessly powerful shift in my perspective that keeps producing continuously beneficial results years later.

My entire life, marriage, career, and every relationship have changed from that tiny shift in my perspective.

That move from an organized wall of ineffective and unnecessary complex thoughts to one simple thought changed my thoughts and reality with them.

Have you been confusing focus with wisdom and feelings with reality?

If your life isn’t going well and you can’t figure out why, perhaps it’s time to seek new perspectives. What one tiny snowflake of thought could unleash an avalanche of transformation (and simplicity) in your life?

I’d love to help you find out!

I show men how to transform painful, broken, disconnected marriages into thriving, passionate, and intimate marriages.

I’m eager to help you discover the shift in focus you need to begin transforming your life!

🔧 💬 Click here now to request a complimentary, no-B.S. Clarity Call. 💬 🔧

Sven Masterson

Sven Masterson

I wake up daily ready to guide men. Specifically, those exhausted from their pursuit of trying to achieve and perform their way to having more value, worth, and significance. I'm passionate to help a man who... - can't bear to look at himself in the mirror for the contempt he feels for himself despite his efforts and achievements. - who everyone else thinks is great, except himself.  - who feels his providing is never enough, his dedication is never enough, and no matter how much better he gets at life, he still feels miserable.
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