MENTORING MEN

In our time as mentors, we’ve found that nearly every man who signs up for a course, retreat, or mentoring experience has to overcome several fears in doing so. We understand; there was a time we had to do the same!

Here are the most common fears and some encouragement about each one.

Fear of what a partner will think or how they’ll respond:
Without a doubt, the number one fear a man will have when considering this experience is how his partner will react to his wanting to participate.

Most of the men we meet, when we meet them, are terrified of the emotional reactions of their wives or girlfriends.

Here’s the thing… when a man fears the woman in his life, deep connection, intimacy, and satisfaction are impossible.

In fact, females generally lose attraction, interest, and respect for men who fear them.

So why are men so fearful? Because of deeply held insecurities within.

This course will help men begin addressing those insecurities and improving the relationship in the process.

Fear of Emotional Expression and Being Seen:
Expressing emotions openly, especially vulnerable ones, might be daunting for men who are not accustomed to doing so in a group setting.

They may fear judgment or perception from others as being weak.

If they’re honest, most men desire to be seen, valued, appreciated, respected, and admired.

Yet, most men resist being real and authentic and thwart and suppress the things that would allow others to do so.

Rest assured, we understand this. We are accustomed to creating safe, low-pressure, judgment-free contexts that gently lead men toward deep, authentic expressions of their true person.

Fear of Rejection or Non-Acceptance:
A related fear that many men may experience is the worry that opening up emotionally might lead to rejection or lack of acceptance from peers, partners, or society, potentially altering their relationships and sense of belonging.

Here’s the truth: Every man longs for acceptance, and the real issue at work here is that a man’s acceptance of self is minimal, conditional, and rather feeble.

Men fear rejection when, deep within, they judge and reject themselves as unworthy of the life they want. We specialize in helping men address this.

This course begins by addressing the topic of Unconditional High Regard toward self, understanding how to first experience it within ourselves before sharing it with others.

Fear of Introspection and Self-Reflection:
Delving deep into one’s psyche, examining past experiences, and confronting personal flaws can be intimidating, especially if one anticipates discovering challenging aspects of oneself.

This is a fear every man experiences throughout his life.

One of the many benefits of a four-month experience that progressively unfolds is that there is no need or expectation to go from “0-60” in any new and uncomfortable territory. The experience is designed to engage and invite increasing depth as it unfolds.

Having said that, men who have no personal interest in introspection and self-reflection should not participate in this course.

In other words, please don’t sign up to appease a partner who really hopes that if you do, you’ll change somehow.

It would be best if you wanted changes for yourself.

Fear of Change in Relationships:
Some men might fear that personal growth and transformation from the course could change existing relationships or dynamics, leading to resistance from partners, friends, or family.

This is true; it could, can, and often does!

However, in 85% of the men we work with, the experienced relationship changes are utterly positive and eventually lead to the kind of relationships they long for.

We say “eventually” because the truth is that cultivating a more mature self and relationship, like cultivating anything, is a dirty, smelly job sometimes.

The remaining 15% are generally unimproved because they refused to stop focusing on how other people need to change and, instead, focus on their growth.

The routine testimony of most of our clients, one year after they begin some form of mentoring, is that it transformed their lives and relationships for the better.

We expect the same for you.

Fear of Not Meeting Expectations: Another common fear prospective clients and participants often face is that they fear not living up to the expectations of the course or mentors or feeling the pressure to perform or achieve certain outcomes, leading to anxiety.

This is because men are accustomed to high-judgment environments where their value and worth are linked to their performance and achievement.

Unconditional High Regard is just that – Unconditional.

Therefore, our regard for men is not based on merit, achievement, or performance.

Men who work diligently and engage deeply in this experience will experience reward! However, the reward is not acceptance from mentors or peers but a richer, deeper, more connected, and fulfilling life.

Men in this experience will be accountable to themselves, not mentors or peers. You must lead yourself and seek to meet your expectations, not ours.

Fear of Confronting Personal Limitations:
Acknowledging limitations and areas of improvement might be unsettling, especially if they perceive it as an indication of failure or inadequacy.

However, UHR is about changing the “formulas” we use to determine our worthiness for value, significance, warmth, appreciation, kindness, and love.

We want you to find your limitations and will show you how to do so. Then, we’ll show you how to address them directly.

Will it be scary at times? You bet! But we’re experts in guiding men through scary terrain.

Fear of Uncovering Painful Memories or Trauma:
The course may involve introspection that could uncover past trauma or painful memories, causing distress and emotional upheaval.

You’ll never be pushed or forced into anything, including looking at these.

We will lovingly challenge you to address pain, but you will always be in total control of what you address and when.

Fear of Being Misunderstood:
Many men may fear that their intentions or emotions might be misunderstood or misinterpreted by others in the course, leading to potential conflict or uncomfortable situations.

Here also, men are really experiencing the fear of what others think about them, which stems from not fully accepting and regarding the man in the mirror.

We know how to help men overcome this fear and grow into men who no longer fear being misunderstood.

This course will absolutely help with that process.

Fear of Being Alone in Their Struggles:
Most men worry they will be the only ones facing certain challenges or insecurities, leading to feelings of isolation or inadequacy.

If only he could see the conversations we have with everyone else!

Men all fear the same stuff, and they’re always gobsmacked to learn this, believing they are the only ones!

One of the nicest benefits of a group experience like this is discovering just how utterly normal you are and how much everyone else is just like you.